Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
