I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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