Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
