Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
