I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize