I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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