Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
