he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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