i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
