Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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