Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
