He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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