I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
