We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
