i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
