Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
