This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
