You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
