Dignity is for republicans.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
