hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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