how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
