there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
