i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
