dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
