Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
