Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
