Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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