I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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