I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
