I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
