Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
