Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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