So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
