And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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