well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You can't special order awesome
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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