the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
