Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
