i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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