I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
