she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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