when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
