Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
