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A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
