I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
