READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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