He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
tell me about the eggs
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
