Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Congratulations! We have a period
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
