I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
