stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
