Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
