Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
