I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
