the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
