im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize