I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
