I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
