there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The ass gains better be worth it
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