Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Randomize
