it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
