Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
