Who wears a wallet chain?!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
