My first STD was from a foam party
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
