take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
