i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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