But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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