Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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