just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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